My problem with the words, "highest purpose" and I do mean 'my problem',
is just that, in the context of living to one's highest purpose and
asking many times throughout the day "is this in line with my highest
purpose" can be misleading. It can be overly masculine.
*long break to go to men's meeting: coming back with tiredness and a new
attitiude, but a desire to finish the subject at hand*
The need is a "purpose" that incorporates both feminine and masculine
aspects, which is to say, the masculine aspect which is direction and
accountability and drive and focus and solid continuity, persistently
directed energies needs to be aligned with the feminine aspects of seeing
truth in Natural cycles and intuiting the truth/direction of this very
moment, knowing the ways of spirit in a way that recognizes the patterns
of spirit, seeing life as not on an xy chart trying to go forever upward
but possibly finding greater heights of understanding and love by
forgetting those goals all together, forgetting the goals and focusing on
one's alignment and responses this very moment to the Dao...opening up
Dao to be scolding, criticising, misunderstanding, indulging rather than
just all of the hard things. Spirit is not just about learning to do
harder and harder things and that's the feminine aspect, softer and
softer
Which reminds me of another side, it seems I have this BIG life view
about learning, focused around learning, epicentered, if you will, on
learning, and just saying, okay well maybe that's their level, that's
what they need/want to work on and this is my level and the thing is,
when people correct others all they are really saying is, no no no, I've
figured out the next layer, forgetting the possibility that someone needs
the layer they are at, though it is obviously important to say, "here is
the next layer" when someone needs it, we need to let go to the idea that
next layer is the answer, which macro to micro is giving up spiritual
path it self, giving up trying to push, when necessary, and reflecsively
holding on to pushing with all of your might when necessary. And coming
back to the thme, my purpose isn't just finding something and holding on
to it with all my might, my purpose is Dao, and sometimes Dao might just
want me to learn to let go of that purpose and face that loss both
internally and out and thus at times I surrender to Dao and then later
question it, I later say, it was likely shadow laziness, but I'm coming
up on something, a synthesis of views, transcend and include, TWO SETS
1. learning to not be late/learning to accept your nature
-->both have many things to offer and in some ways exemplify/stand for
the camps of self-improvement/self-acceptance, my own struggle of
overcoming/embracing video game time, and simultaneously
overcoming/embracing "low" self cultivating time (is it low?)
2. written as an already answered question: purpose being set in time is
not true purpose...being able to say I've accepted when i've accepted,
why at the end of one's physical body's capability does one have the
tendency to go, "oops?", there is a truth to the oops now and so with
purpose that is to be known and followed for the old Michael this meant
shadowing the oops, there is no bad in me, ah and this is something I
wanted to write about, knowing my "bad".
I, when in a modest modicum of pain, lose most sense of "spirit" I've got
a vague underlying thing about not really being the one in the pain but
it really isn't something I give a shit about when the anxiety flows
through my spirit, part of me is also not comfortable with the part
trying to be comfortabe with whoever it is comin through, part of me is
afraid that those other parts will do harm to my life and doesn't want
them anywhere close to the driver's seat
this school puts me through therapy, that is another dichotomy, I must
deal with seeing illness as blessing and curse, one at one point, one at
another... this stuff is great HOWEVER, I'm tired, glorious, goodnight
