baby

I do want, more often, for scientific rigor, testing, and skepticism to have babies with open-minded, warm, spiritual, creativeness. I want that child which is rigorous in testing, deeply convincing, difficult to refute, and indicative of deeper/higher levels of cognition. The uteri are gravid. Truth is coming.

Learn from J

The stroke of insight to go along with the ups and downs was simply that spirituality isn't necessarily making things personal rather than broadening/expanding/nonpersonalising. How do I know? Well, whenever you're on one side saying the other is bad you're caught in a good/bad dichotomy, a duality, which is categorically incorrect. Obviously we have to go on to point out a non-duality in duality vs non-duality, sort of break down the form/emptiness of that as well, but still, a worthwhile aspect of living healthfully and happily is not running from but also not running towards pain. I believe I find myself doing the latter, always personalizing and maybe over-indulging in the pain, the hurt, this is not quite acceptance, it is a form of attachment...And so I choose to relate to life more simply, to see hurt and happiness and see reactions, see running towards--embracing (and not letting go) of pain and running away as two sides of the same coin, you're still running. Maybe it's best to know the perfection of the moment, not attempting to overthrow or over-embrace. mmm lovely.

generation

mental-emotional: the breaking of a mental-emotional belief/form into a reality/emptiness--J and simply requiring that I recognize the probabilities and truths of the situation; shock of happiness, love in the highest--joy the man, Peter, who did me wrong but apologized kindly when confronted...the weight dropped through to the core and I am left with happiness, hugeness of freedom and fullness, he gives me what I need, what I desired for so long, freedom from my own projections, I saw him as a man out to destroy me for no good reason, I found he was actually a man that didn't think things through, stupid as I might be at some point in my life. Not perfect but also not evil. We all gained from the torment and lost--this strikes harder than J could, lovely as she is.

Physical: walking in cold, stress, lack of sleep, the bac/virus going around, the time of year the body decides to detox, rid itself of wastes, rest and rebuild+difficulty resting and rebuilding with the reuqirements on my time.

Long term mental emotional (not just last night): more friends/play time, love/mate time, up to an adequate non-excessive, but adequate level

long term physical: allergies, not enough time outside, yoga, nutrition--yet also the amounts of these things I have done allow me to mount this response and have as much defense as I have.

short term chemical: immunoplus and emergency, as well as liver and soup