Dealing with assholes--some reflection

The reality just hit me. It is not that there is some problem in Portland--at least if there is, it isn't what happened with D. That might have been an interaction with J. But, more importantly, I remember it happening with an ex-roomate, C. C said, "if you want to have the outside air, just buy and install a screen, don't let the bugs in". We might have come to that conclusion, it might have been fair, it might not. More importantly, however, is that he oriented himself above me in command, and then I am only given the choice to disobey or obey, and I generally do a bit of each. The beloved sinister wishing to crush such a person, and the beloved dexter knowing a more direct route to peace--silence.

And yet neither really do the job as required, both react to the surface rather than at the depth. At the depth the problem is someone setting themselves up as an unreasonable boss, my reactions are almost mandatory, both of them, an uneasy silence or a less silent uneasiness--which is 'lite' for various ways of dealing with the situation--side note: I get pleasure from thinking about this course. But, that pleasure only works when the idea is that I could be successful in such an action.

Higher, deeper, or prior to both is an address towards the nature of the relationship itself rather than the situation. This address might look like, "This sounds like something we should talk out." However, it is easier written than said because when the "request" comes as a direct confrontation, a direct power struggle, it is hard to jump straight there. Upon reflection on experiences, I think it might be best to try and say (in a way that speaks directly to the confrontation), "I have no problem at all helping with [your needs] but I'd rather not have [whatever they have over your head] than be coerced" Responding to the other situation I find, I have this set: "You know, I'd love to find something that works for both of us, and maybe that situation you recommended is best, but this doesn't seem like a one-on-one conversation, it sounds more like coercion, and I'd like to get on the same level and talk about it."

This is a long term issue that needs figuring, but I'm glad I have these scripts, I wish to do some visualizations of using these in context, some more reflection, and maybe next time I come across the energy/situation, I'll have a proper response which is neither bending over in surrender or in preparation to charge and maul.