Tuesday, October 19, 2010

missed positives?

i've been checking out my psych notes and wonder if I've got a bit of the things listed, not wanting to miss a problem which may be affecting me. Better, I wonder about things I do well, positives in my life which may go un-noted, hell, and those that are noted in both categories.

In a short attempt, I know that I'm good at protecting myself from prolonged misuse or delusion. It doesn't seem I'm good at quick-response situations as far as social defense and attraction. I do well to keep an organized and directed life while still often yielding to higher knowledge/intuition. I've learned to say no in many situations. Giving seems natural. I exercise and get my school work done, I meditate, I don't yell at myself for not living up to this or that, and yet I still work to achieve goals. I think I'm attractive, intelligent, highly intuitive with other spiritual capabilities including acceptance, non linear thinking, skepticism, pushing through boundaries, attention to feeling, I think I'm strong, I'll be a good weight lifter, I'm kind and good at communication, I'm characteristically honest, realistic and optimistic, I'm a good dancer, gamer, I can accept various aspects of my entire body/mind, including aggression/competition as well as sexual desires, selfishness and selflessness, i follow my heart and allow it to utterly propel me like a large slingshot, I'm capable of great joys and great sorrows without looking away.

Also, I can be fooled, I can be slow to react to injustice thrown upon myself or others, I can restrict pleasure/nature too much or allow it to come ahead of growth/achievement/helping myself and others long term. I can be "lazy", and I can listen to the needs of my body. I can miss things right infront of me and I can see the simple solution, and I can see the not-so-simple ones as well as miss them. I can be coerced, encouraged by threat of pain or pain itself to go against my heart and/or best judgement. I can stand up to coercion. I can be stuck in fear and contraction, I can move through fear and contraction.

I am a doctor, a teacher, a lover, a fighter, a scholar, a spiritual being, a jerk, a pervert, a communicator, a dancer, and more.

I am all and one. I am fleeting, dying. I am eternal. I am lost. I am never away from home, complete in knowing and compassion. I am small and incomplete. I am big. I am infinite.

I am alone. I am/we are all one. I am insane, ultrasane, human.

I am capable, given the circumstances, of much pain and much happiness of various types and directions (others/self).

All in all, I find the situation to be lovely. I breathe as the universe, walking in place, laughing.

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